this semester, i’ve been finding myself getting angry more often, getting frustrated over things that didn’t bother me much before, wondering how i’ve become so friendless and lonely.. it’s almost kind of surreal how this all built up to now. to me trying to wipe away tears that won’t stop. a good amount just got absorbed into my hands. don’t know where my four boxes of tissues went…

all this time, i was thinking that i was just having much more roller coaster-y feelings. lots of ups and downs. until finally it took someone - actually three - of my closest friends to help me realize that, lately, it looks like i’ve been having more downs than ups. that my attitude isn’t as carefree and goofy as before. that i’m actually unhappy with my life.

it’s weird to even see it written down. i’ve never felt generally unhappy; i actually pride myself on having sucky moments and being able to bounce back and move on from them quickly. but nowadays, everything negative lingers for longer than i want them to. my jokes of feeling lonely are slowly becoming reality. and it’s scary that i didn’t even really notice because it happened gradually… what if nobody else had noticed and didn’t say anything to me? would i have just spiraled downward into a bottomless hole of self-pity and worthlessness?

well i guess there’s no use thinking that way now. all i can do is keep my head up high and find things that actually lift my spirits.. sadly, some things that i used to find enjoyable are now a chore.

i don’t know where the old me went, but she’ll be back. i hope

going by so fast. i keep saying it to myself once in a while, but today i really believed it when i called home and my dad said to me that “you’re getting older, and we’re getting old. that’s just the way it is.”

i’m not ready yet, but i guess life waits for no one :(

LOL :D

(Source: bit.ly, via angelooove)